How do I get my child to talk?
It’s a question that’s asked over and over again in speech therapy with early talkers. Most parents want to know what they can do to help their child talk. I understand completely why this comes up. We all want to know what we can control and affect change in a way that encourages children to begin talking.
Well I have good news for you…
There are a lot of ways we can help our child communicate, and now all of them have to do with them. We’ve covered modeling, and one-upping when playing one on one. Those are all things that help your child open up and communicate with you both verbally and non-verbally.
But today we’re going to look at the role that the parent plays in enabling communication.
While encouraging your child to talk it’s not uncommon to take the front seat in play and drive. I’m going to encourage you to see your little one as the leader. This not only increases their verbal and non-verbal output, but grows their confidence as a communicator.
So what can you do to facilitate this?
Decrease Questions
When a child isn’t talking as much as we would expect, we can find ourselves asking a lot of questions.
“What’s that?” “What color is this?” “Should we build a house?”
Children can tell the difference between true communication and the expectation that they are performative. You’ll find much more success in encouraging words by turning those questions into statements.
“That’s an apple!” “I love the blue truck” “I’m going to build a house”.
Your child is much more likely to repeat a modeled word or phrase, then answer a question when they’re asked repetitively.
Give a choice
When we talk about building your child’s confidence, there’s nothing more confidence building then giving them control. When you offer two choices, it not only lets your child lead the interaction and empowers them, it also gives them the direct model of what they can say to answer.
When you ask “do you want a carrot, or grapes?” You’ve not only asked your child to make a choice, but given them a model to repeat. “Carrot!” Once they choose, you should immediately respond by giving them the object/action they chose. If a choice is unable to given, you can change the choice into an affirmative or negative.
Situation - You want to ask your child if they’re done eating
Response - “All done eating, or more eating?”
Copy your child’s actions
Children learn to speak through imitation. Before imitating there needs to be the understanding that communication is a back-and-forth exchange. For a child to understand that communication is an exchange, it needs to be modeled through turn taking in play. The easiest way to ease your child into a back and forth imitation of actions is by imitating their actions first! Not only will this set the groundwork for communication, but also help increase your child’s confidence as a communication initiator.
Follow your child’s lead
It can be hard to take a back seat when there’s a worry about your child not meeting their developmental milestones. Often when a child is behind in speaking, the parent gets worried and starts taking over. This is great for narrating play and modeling language, but can easily transition into making all the decisions for your child. Following their lead can be uncomfortable because at first it looks like a lot of silence. But that silence is a needed step to not only show your child that there’s an opportunity for them to initiate communication, but also give you an opportunity to demonstrate that you’re waiting and ready. Initiating communication can be verbal as well as non-verbal. Picture this…
A mother and her 2 year old are sitting on the floor playing with a shape sorter. The mother is at eye level with her daughter and there’s a variety of shapes sitting out on the floor. The girl is picking up and putting down different shapes while gazing at the objects. Her mother wants to take over and start leading the play by asking questions, but she waits. It’s hard for her because as adults we’re often uncomfortable with silence, but she remembers reading (from this post) that children can take anywhere from 5-10 seconds to process and respond or initiate communication. So she counts to 10 in her head, but she doesn’t do so passively. She is waiting for not still. Her look is expectant, with wide eyes, raised eyebrows, and even an audible inhalation “hhhuu” indicating non-verbally to her daughter that she is ready and waiting for her to communicate. All of a sudden her daughter hands her a shape and babbles “aba”. Her mother responds immediately with a single, functional word, “in” and puts the block in the shape sorter. Thus, the cycle continues, and she again lets her child lead while going back to silence with her expectant look. This encourages a series of communication “circles” where her daughter opens them with a gesture or sound directed towards her mother, and her mother responds immediately providing a single word or short phrase, closing the circle, then awaits the next one.
There are a lot of ways we can encourage our children to speak, and many of them start with self reflection. How are we engaging, playing, and inviting interaction as opposed to controlling, directing, and demanding a performance. A line I often use with parents is to be IN the play, not on top of it looking down. Get goofy, make some voices, talk as the character or animal you are using in play, and give your little one the opportunity to lead the show.
If you have any questions about how best to use these strategies in play to encourage communication, or you’ve been trying for awhile and your little one just isn’t responding to them, reach out. I offer free consultations for just that reason. They’re no pressure opportunities for us to discuss your concerns and your child’s communication needs. We can help you determine next steps for your family, or offer some specific advice for play and communication. We can’t wait to meet you!
